People ask me on a weekly basis, are we going to work this out? Can you fix us? How do you know if we are going to make it or not? And, can you change us?. My answer to them all is “if you want this to work, it is possible.”
Love is always possible, and the reality is that love sucks! Love is hard as hell! Love is ugly and mean, and vicious, and unfair, and scary! But… Love is also worth it. When we are raw, vulnerable, honest, and accepting, love can only live forever. I have been honored to witness couples on a weekly basis fall in love with one another over and over again. It is beautiful to share moments with couples where they can find their safety with one another, leave my office in love again, and build a stronger relationship with one another.
I do not believe that every couple is the same, nor do I believe that all marriages can/will work, but I do believe that if two parties are willing, it will work and their relationship can be improved to their liking. I work with couples to help them understand that they will not always enjoy or like one another. Our partners annoy us at times, and some may say it is easier to walk away. But, I find, it is not easier to walk away, in fact it is harder.
Once we begin the idea of leaving, it is always there for the taking, and the inability to be willing deminishes drastically.
If two people can find moments throughout their marriage-whether at 88 or 28- where they are vulnerable and authentic with one another, they can typically work through anything. Sure we can get wrapped up in fights, disagreements, various differences, etc, but under it all there is love.
In those moments of love, when things are bigger than us and are very hard, we don’t think about the fight we just had, we think about each other and how much we love one another. This is the heart speaking, and the action of natural desire to be connected with another person.
We all want to be loved, while it is scary, hard and often exhausting, it is beautiful and fruitful and joyfilled as well. Hang in there, love is worth it.