As each generation grows and begins to raise their own families, there is an overwhelming pressure of “doing it right.”As I watch Mr. Mom with my husband and laugh at the sceen where he drops his son off at school, while entering the circle on the wrong side, I realize, wow, this movie is fairly old, and I still experience myself, and witness many parents go through the phenomena of shame. As I watch it, my anxiety increases for this dad, I feel like, good gracious someone just help the guy out, and I know in my heart, we are so afraid of asking for help and giving it. As parents we spend many moments freaking out because we are in the spotlight and all around us, people are looking, watching, judging, and thinking “you’re doing it wrong.”
What is right or wrong? What works perfectly for all parents? Gosh if only there was one recipe for raising children, we’d all have the book, the tapes, the homework, and the tools to “raising the best child.” The reality is that what works for one child often doesn’t work for the next, and to me… this is kind of cool. Learning what makes your little one happy and content; learning how your family clicks and works in cohesion is the most important aspect of raising a child, in my opinion.
What worked for my parents is not what works for me, so, I chose to do it different. Do they look at me with a tone of “you’re doing it wrong” oh most definitely. Do I hear “when you were little…,” oh yes, all of the time. Do I feel insecure, judged and anxious; absolutely. Is my interaction with my children different when my parents are around and watching; uh huh. Then I think to myself, it’s because I am so anxious about what they think, that I am not being true to what works for me and my wildly independent four year old, my highly emotional six year old, and my snuggling, yet mommy only 5 month old.
So letting go of the fear, acknowledging that I am going to have moments where I don’t shine, and trusting my greater instinct to do what works for me and my clan, is all I can do. So I walk proudly with trust, I hug myself for my efforts and know that we are going to have moments when I am going the wrong way in the pick up and drop of lines, and this, my friend, makes me human. This is what makes me a wonderful parent, because I have yet to meet, nor do I think I want to meet a perfect one. 😉
Love yourself, your doing great. And if you need help, find someone safe to ask for it.