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Why Your Emotional Age Matters And How to Address It

posted by DCO-Admin | Taged as - emotional age, therapy, trauma

15 October 2015 / 0 comments

In my practice, I find that within the first three sessions, I can identify the emotional age of the person sitting in front of me, based on the stories they tell me and how they react, and act in certain situations. It is my experience that when a person goes through a major attachment disruption or a trauma (which can often be one in the same), they become emotionally stunted at the age they were when the event occurred. This explains why we see grown men acting like stubborn 5-year-old children, or professional and strong women who become preschoolers when they don’t get their way or their feelings get hurt.

My job is to help a person to identify what I call his or her Emotional Age, and then to gain all and any understanding of a person this age. So, if your Emotional Age is 18 months, let’s learn anything and everything about an 18-month-old and their development. Let’s learn about their eating, their temperament, their sleep, how to soothe them, what they need, and so on. Once we have learned this, we then begin our tracking. Watch yourself when you become upset, what you do, how you react and what you actually feel inside, what your self-talk thoughts are, and so on.

Now, how about when you are NOT upset? Let’s love yourself as if you were the Emotional Age we have identified. So, let’s play with blocks, let’s eat with our hands, let’s listen to soothing and nurturing music, let’s drink from a water bottle all of the time, let’s find a cozy and comfy blanket and snuggle with it any time we can, let’s sleep with a teddy bear, let’s ask for a lot of hugs, and so on.

What happens when we begin to nurture ourselves when we are not in an upset state of mind is that we are giving ourselves exactly what we needed when we were the age of the disruption. We are showing ourselves that we are capable of loving ourselves. And let me just say that the more you do this, the more of the following will occur:

You will begin to feel full and safe.
You will find yourself reacting as if you were that small child less and less.
You will find yourself “growing up” and will not respond as the initial age any longer.
You will feel more insightful and aware of your inner self.
You will not need external support as much as you did because you are giving it to yourself.
You will feel more empowered, strong and free of your inner child.
Your inner child will in turn respond feeling relaxed and trusting that you have got them.

So, the next time you tell yourself, or someone else for that matter, “You are acting like a child,” stop and think: is this an Emotional Age responding or is this just a one time being silly thing? If your Emotional Age is speaking out, it may be time to explore some of the tips above to help you work out of that age — well, only if it’s not working for you. 😉

With love,

Lori

Watch: Lori Talks About Long-Term Effects of Trauma

posted by DCO-Admin | Taged as - counseling, mental health, therapy, trauma

3 August 2015 / 0 comments

One of our therapists, Lori, talks about the long-term effects of trauma and how more often than not, when an adult hurts someone, that person was hurt as a child and made ongoing choices to compound that hurt into a greater pain.

Lori explains the beauty of working with people through difficult things, and how the joy is in watching people heal, find love, and grow from their experiences in life.

Lori helps to explain some of the long-term effects that individuals with trauma go through, such as carrying fear around for years and letting it make the choices in life as opposed being a strong independent individual who has chosen to live the life they do. (more…)

Video: Lori Explains the Ripple Effects of Trauma

posted by DCO-Admin | Taged as - counseling, lori poland, therapy, trauma

3 August 2015 / 0 comments

Everyone in experiences some form of hardship and trauma in life. Whether it be the loss of an animal, having an abusive experience, a car accident or what-have-you, in the human experience, we are all here suffering and surviving together.

Lori’s work is to support individuals in healing through their pain, making choices that follow the vision of who each person individually wants to be. Having a trauma background surely does not define Lori, nor is it a topic that is often broached in her therapeutic process, however it informs her work and allows her to gain a stronger level of empathy for all people collectively.

In this video, from her interview with Cheryl Preheim of Denver’s 9NEWS, Lori explains the ripple of effects of trauma and how, when one event occurs, the actual trauma that each person in that event faces can be completely different and have different ways of being treated, supported and healed. (more…)

Watch Lori’s Interview with 9NEWS

posted by DCO-Admin | Taged as - denver counseling, denver counseling options, lori poland, therapy, trauma

24 July 2015 / 0 comments

We all know Lori as a helpful, supportive and insightful therapist at Denver Counseling Options. What you may not know is that she has overcome significant trauma in her own life after being kidnapped at the age of 3.

In a new interview with Cheryl Preheim of 9NEWS, Lori opens up about how the experience has shaped her and helped her find her greater purpose.

Click here to read more and watch the interview below to get to know Lori better. (more…)

New clients: Get a special rate for summer therapy sessions

posted by DCO-Admin | Taged as - counseling, couples therapy, denver counseling, family counseling, therapy, trauma therapy

13 July 2015 / 0 comments

Happy Summer, friends!

At Denver Counseling Options, we are committed to helping you unlock the keys to achieving optimal mental wellness. Have you been thinking about giving therapy a try or know someone who is? Well, this summer is a great time to act. We are offering special, discounted sessions for new clients. We want counseling to be more affordable and accessible to everyone who wants to be well, so our new client rate is $50 an hour — a $70 discount off our regular rate. Please contact us if you want to work with one of our therapists but need to discuss other financial options and rates. We want to help.

Maybe you’re going through a tough time, or maybe you’re feeling great. No matter where we are in life, we can always make more progress toward being our best selves.

All of our therapists are highly trained and experienced and provide beneficial counseling in a comfortable, safe setting for couples, families and individuals of all ages using a variety of therapy methods.

We will work with you to help you feel inspired and empowered in your own life and relationships with others. You deserve love and happiness!

Click here to set up an appointment or call us at 720-432-2813 to learn more.

Want to Discuss Life-Changing Books? Join ‘More Than a Book Club’

posted by DCO-Admin | Taged as - book club, group therapy, the alchemist, therapy

17 June 2015 / 0 comments

By Elisha Gilb

Have you ever read a book that changed your life? Yes?! Many of us have, and it can be such an amazing experience. Indeed, this is part of the powerful experience of reading. However, have you ever been given the experience to process the life-changing book in a warm and friendly exchange that focuses on the psychological contribution and impact said book has on your life?

The group More Than a Book Club will do just that. This 12-week group therapy class will provide a place to process and share experiences of four profoundly life-changing books.

This group’s focus starts with a welcome and introduction to the books we will be exploring. This group is therapeutic in nature and is a place to process our own material sparked by the spiritual books. For example, we may ask ourselves, “How does reading this book impact me and my personal life?” “In what ways am I affected by reading this book?” “How do I relate this to my life and experiences?”

We will read “The Alchemist,” “The Celestine Prophecy,” “A New Earth,” and “You Can Heal Your Life.” Each week, we will review the books and discuss how this reading has impacted us.

In each reading, we will explore relevant themes in the books and apply and process these themes to our own lives. If you have never read these books or if this is a repeat reading there will be much to gain in discovering More Than a Book Club.

The group will meet Aug. 15-Oct. 31 and costs $30 per week. Meetings will be 10-11:30 a.m. Saturdays at Denver Counseling Options’ office, 7456 W. Fifth Ave., Suite 300, in Lakewood. Books are not included. Call us at 720-432-2813 today to reserve your space.

looking at ocean_denver_counseling_options

How to know when to go to therapy

posted by DCO-Admin | Taged as - counseling, self-love, therapy

20 May 2015 / 0 comments

Honestly and sadly, most of us go to or back to therapy when things have fallen apart in our lives. When we feel helpless, unsure, scared and lonely. While this is normal and millions of people find exactly what they need, there is also a time when life is healthy, you are well, things are working, and you’re ready, before it breaks again or “the other shoe drops” to do a little self-work.

It is in a healthy “self-work” state when I find clients doing the really hard work, the life-changing work. They are able and strong and excited to be well, live well and create a new life. It is in this state of mind that I feel so honored to work with clients. They have an ability to be vulnerable and open and find their inner selves. It’s like losing 75 pounds after having been on a very strict diet and exercise routine, and ending your program to beginning to tone the new you. Focus on maintaining your wellness, and finding new ways to challenge your body to be amazing.

How do we get to this place, you may ask. Well, it all starts somewhere, right? We start with looking at our lives and deciding what we are doing is not what we want to be doing. Our relationships are not the ones we want to have. The choices we make are not fulfilling and authentic to the person we see, desire to be, or long to be. We start by looking at our picture of life and saying “I’m tired,” “I’m over it,” “I don’t want to do it like this anymore,” “Wow, it doesn’t get better no matter what I am doing,” and it is in this place that we call and say, “OK, I’m ready. I’m willing.” This is where we often start, and the rest is hard and challenging in a refreshing sort of way.

When beginning work with new clients, I often use the analogy of therapy being similar to house cleaning. First, we have to notice our house is dirty before we clean it. Then we begin to take everything off of the shelves, stack it in a pile behind us, and clean off all the shelves. It is then that we turn around and see we have created a bigger mess than we had to start with (the hardest part). It is then that we begin to examine our items, some we throw away, others we note need fixing, other items we give away, while some of it just needs a good wipe-down, then we put it back on the shelf. It is a “process” because we can’t do it all at once, and we have to go through each step in order to achieve the goal we have set out. This is the journey — dirty, hard, yet so rewarding and refreshing in the end. This is therapy. Come … Let me support you.

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Why should I go to therapy?

posted by DCO-Admin | Taged as - counseling, happiness, therapy, why therapy

12 May 2015 / 0 comments

A client and I are in a session together. He or she begins to whisper when the conversation turns to explaining to others why they come to therapy. Often times, their voice turns softer, they look at me with lost eyes, and then begin almost desperately trying to justify every reason why they are sitting in front of me. It often feels like a slight mixture of fear, confusion, and desperation. Fear of judgment or having made the wrong choice, confusion because they are better now than when they started coming (but is this just because I am not as upset about “that thing” anymore?), and desperation because they want me to tell them that they are here for the right reasons and help comfort them in validating their choice.

Believe you me, a few years ago, and sometimes even today, I hear the above conversation, and the little voice in my head begins to panic and creates a cocktail that looks really similar to the above remedy. I too, doubt myself, my choices, my work, my actions, all at certain times … Why? Because I am a warm-blooded human who is scared like the rest of us, who wants to be sure that it makes sense and that “they” won’t “say” X, Y or Z about little old ME.

Well, here’s the honest to God truth: there is no such thing as “they.” “They” are YOU, and ME, and our NEIGHBORS, our FRIENDS. “They” are the next person who is scared, confusednand desperate.

So my answer to why do I go to therapy at times is this: “Because when I go and see Mark, I leave there feeling like for the last hour, I could just be me. I could talk about myself and how I felt, I could have him lovingly help me to see how what I am thinking or feeling or doing is or isn’t helping me and my relationships. When I do go to therapy, I feel heard, I feel valued, I feel insightful, open, willing, dedicated, determined, loving, happy, accepting, joy-filled, honored, excited, hopeful, eager, and most importantly and frankly, just BETTER.” I often find that the people to judge or ask me why I pay to go, or tell me their opinion as to why it’s not a good thing — “they” — those people, are often times the ones who need the most love and support and, yep, I’m gonna say it: THERAPY.

Do what you do for you and the world will be so rad!